Sharing the Ideas/ Recommendation Posts! (Subtitle: Ash v. Blogger)

Popping in right now just to share a cool blog I just stumbled into. It's a woman's personal blog about her struggle with chronic illness. Her name is Erica, and her blog is called Determined to Heal. After even a short time on her site, I can say that Erica's take on the world is very down to earth, hearty and real, and her blog is worth a look, because the more people who speak up, the bigger a community can get.

In the future I hope to be sharing a lot more sites and material with you; I wanted a spiffy sidebar thingy-mabob (technical term) to the right, over yonder ------------->, but all it does is provide you with a list of links and the custom 'titles'... While I wistfully dream of a thingy-mabob that suits my purposes in a more intriguing, artistic way instead of just providing a simple link, for now, I'm dealing with what I've got, so Erica's blog is featured on that list (the first link), as 'Determined to Heal PSH Blog' The 'PSH' is the classification of a Personal Story Health blog.

Well, off I hop, for now! Cheers, world!

A Side Note: the Lucy I love!

As this blog is relatively new and hasn't been very active yet, I've failed to bring up the love of my life, my beautiful Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Lucy. I've mentioned her in a few of my previous, poor, long-neglected blogs that are still hanging out there in the endless jumble that is the internet, but not here. And I need to mention her, because she's important. Not only because she will be moving in with me in 3 days time- a both exhilarating and scary experience, as I haven't been able to have her for a few years now- or because of the complicated relationship she's had with my health problems, specifically my skin.

While all those reasons are excellent ones to preface her existence now in preparation for later posts that may pop up as we adapt to one another again, Lucy is important to mention because she quite possibly saved my life.

A few years back, I was in possibly the worst mental state I'd ever been in; I was scared, sleepless and anxious and sad- but probably most of all, I felt incredibly and horribly alone. It's the type of alone it takes people with depression to understand; the type of alone that surrounds you, even when you're in a crowded room full of people talking. There was so little in my life that I found happiness in; I hated myself, and every day was a struggle because I had nothing to wake up looking forward to. I had no one to love. No one to care for.

I started musing about dogs- I took tests like 'Which dog is the best dog for you?' and looked long and hard at characteristics of different types. It was only a dream; but the more I looked, the more that dream grew.

To make a long story short, my search led me to the Cavalier, which led me to a beautiful, modest little home of a man, his sweet, quiet wife and their toddler son a few hours from where I live. And they had Cavaliers. And one of those Cavaliers, a beautiful girl named Angel, was pregnant. After meeting her, and the sire of her litter, (both of whom were exceedingly sweet, wonderful dogs) we decided to come back once the pups were born, a few weeks later, to see them ourselves.

That day, we all sat in deck chairs on their lush front lawn in the early summer afternoon, and Lewis brought out the puppies in a large basket filled with fluffy towels. I'd seen puppies and kittens before- newborns- but these puppies captivated me. One by one, they were passed to me. I held each one, their tiny little bodies cradled close to me so they could feel my heartbeat and know that they were safe (their eyes hadn't yet opened).

Some people say that at a few weeks old, it's impossible for a baby- let alone a non-human baby- to have an distinguishing personality traits. These people, to me, will always be wrong. Because I held each of those babies. Some squirmed, some were so asleep they were puddles. But then I was handed this one puppy- this little red and white girl, with freckles on her muzzle. And as I held her, she fell asleep, like most of her siblings.

But then she started to dream. I stared down at this little life, so new that she hadn't even seen the world, and she was already dreaming. It was amazing to me.

And just like that, I knew she was it. She was my puppy, and when she was ready, she was coming home with me. I also knew that her presence would change things. (To be continued)

'Round and 'Round..

Over the years, it's occurred to me more than once that a lot of health problems- mental as well as physical- carry the risk of the person with that problem falling into a vicious cycle.

This is, in my opinion, especially true of people with depression.

In addition to my eczema, I suffer from a plethora of health problems (which I'll go into some other time). Some are scary, some are painful, and all are inconvenient. However, while eczema wins the prize for biggest obstacle from me living the type of life I want, depression isn't that far behind.

In a perfect world, in my perfectly organized life, I'd have this down by now: taking a short shower to start my morning and a rinse every night before bed, changing my sheets every other day, moisturizing constantly, and keeping my environment under control- complete with a well placed humidifier, an air sanitizer, no dust, no clutter to attract it, no trash, everything meticulously organized and stored properly.

My reality, however, is very different. Frankly, my place is a mess. I have clutter everywhere- a mixture of clothes, shoes, textbooks, notebooks, art supplies, dishes, medications, lotions, and paper trash dominates every surface- except, of course, my closet, which is empty. My bathroom is in a similar state- except the clutter in my bathroom is- well, stuff that you normally keep in a bathroom, so I suppose that's a minuscule plus.

I own one and a half sets of sheets, no air sanitizer, and my humidifier has a filter that apparently needs to be washed or changed- I'm not sure which, and I have NO idea how to do it in any case.

And the worst part of all of it is, there is dust everywhere. It coats everything, and is impossible to escape from. And what's the cause of this dust, you ask?

Here's a fun fact, for those of you that don't know it. A primary component of dust is dead skin cells.

Among the symptoms of my eczema is that I'm always 'shedding'- my skin cracks, peels and flakes, and I lose a ridiculous amount of skin compared to the amount a person with normal, functional skin would lose in the same amount of time.

Dust is my number one allergen.

And the principle cause or origin of all the dust in my environment right now, is me.

Talk about one of life's cruel jokes, right?.

Like I said, eczema, while certainly the most dominant and detrimental of my health problems, isn't my only one. I also have asthma, and intestinal troubles; I'm developing new vision problems, and problems with my thyroid. In addition, I'm diagnosed with depression, ADD, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, all of which are treated and, for the most part, under control.

'The most part'- that's a pretty potentially damning phrase, I agree. What I mean is that, while my bipolar disorder is under control, there's only so much you can do about depression, ADD, and anxiety. But, for the purposes of this post, I want to focus exclusively on depression.

Or, how depression works with my skin.

Having skin that hates you is pretty damn hard at times, to say the least; one of the biggest problems comes from when you can't move without pain or discomfort- when your skin feels tight and raw, or you've gotten a mild skin infection all over and it's hot and itchy and painful to the touch. A lot of the time, a bad breakout makes you feel like your nerves are wrecked. You're hypersensitive- you feel everything (and not positive feelings), about ten times more than you should.

And when your skin hurts or burns or causes you intense discomfort whenever you move, well- moving is the last thing you want to do.

One of the best images I've seen for the 'vicious cycle' of eczema is depicted in a blog I will hopefully be linking to a great deal more, which I am aiming to introduce properly later on today.This is the image from the blog:

I actually made my own little chart, to try to describe the basic aspect of the vicious cycle. I made it on creately.com, but it still looks like it's in editor. Why, you ask? Because you have to register in order to save your projects.
Thank goodness for screenshots.

And that's my life in a nutshell- a vicious cycle that goes 'round and 'round.
Well, the battle continues, as ever.
Fingers crossed that I get my wish and am able to come back shortly with a nice surprise!

Cheers!