Community Compatibility: We Don't All Just Get Along

Audio of this post can be found HERE.

One of the things that makes life with chronic illness difficult (at least for me) is the struggle for community. Though these things we go through are incredibly personal, it helps some of us to be a part of a group of others who know the struggle. People tend to think that just because you have the same disease, you'll all have the same mindset for dealing with said disease. This could not be further from the truth.

For example, I just recently joined a Facebook community for people who have eczema. It's a rather large group- thousands of members, actually. So far, it's been rough to be a part of it - and not just because of all of the posts which give me vivid flashbacks to growing up with severe eczema as a child, and then a teenager. Actually, what's pushing me away is the mindset of the majority of the people.

I am someone who absolutely hates unsolicited advice. I have a very negative reaction to it, because I've been subjected to an inordinate amount of it (especially regarding my health issues) for my entire life. That is why I try my hardest to never give advice unless asked (or given the okay). That's just who I am, and frankly, nothing alienates me faster from a conversation than unwanted advice - especially from people who do not know my specific situation.

This is a mindset that the majority of people in this group do not share or respect. People are bombarded with advice, from practical to absolutely ridiculous, on every single post- whether they asked for advice or not. It's, frankly, daunting.

But even if we ignore that glaring social faux pas, a big part of compatibility with a community comes down to sharing the same ideals and, to an extent, similar views.

Example: If I swear exclusively by the miracles of modern medicine to deal with my skin problems, I probably won't find a lot of connection in a group devoted to holistic health solutions for eczema.

Conversely, if I were only interested in natural remedies for my eczema, I would feel very out of place in a group which follows the progress of the newest medicines and treatments becoming available.

In either of those situations, despite the core trait that we share, we wouldn't, at the end of the day, have much to talk about.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that community is important- but a supportive community where you feel listened to and comfortable in is essential. Life is hard enough without our support systems being stressful, too.

So for me, at least, the search begins again! I hope that everyone looking for a community finds one that's an excellent fit.

Until next time, friends!